Animal Poetry

When I was in the second year of secondary school, aged 13, my class produced a selection of poetry about Animals. It was printed out into pamphlet form, and I rediscovered my copy fairly recently. Reflecting on the anthology some 10 years later I see that it contains some of the most ridiculous verse written in the last 2000 years. I have wanted to share it with others since I found it, and I reckon this is the best way to do so. Over the next few weeks, and perhaps months, I will bring you some of the highlights of this fine collection.

I start with the awesome 'Pussy Cat' by Harpreet Chaggar. As you may guess after reading the first few stanzas of the poem, its main theme is lifted from Pheobe from Friends' song 'Smelly Cat'. Still, even Pheobe herself couldn't have produced the superb nuance of this works conclusion. You'll see what I mean when you read it. Spelling mistakes, punctuation, capitalisation and phrasing are all the author's own work.

Pussy Cat

pussycat, pussy cat,
What are they feeding you,
Pussy cat, pussy cat,
What are they feeding you

You smell like a smelly cat,
Smelly cat smelly cat,
What are they feeding you,
Smelly smelly smelly smelly smelly cat,

What are they feeding you,
Smelly cat smelly cat,
What are they feeding you,
Smelly cat smelly cat what were they feeding you,
Smelly cat smelly cat you look like a dead cat,

Dead cat dead cat what were they feeding you,
Dead cat dead cat I will be missing you,
Missy cat Missy cat I am missing you,
Missy cat Missy cat you look as if you are a heaven cat,

heaven cat heaven cat I will be meeting you,
heaven cat is it nice up there,
heaven cat heaven cat does God have a tash,
Bye bye heaven cat